Imagine yourself as a recording device that becomes aware of all the voices that are communicating in your head. Anyone can do this, but rarely is it done because we would all realize how insane we all are, right? This is how my day begins. I am coming out of the dream state, and I hear random thoughts… “Hmmm my body feels pretty good today… not too much pain”… Ok I can live with that one. “Let’s get up and make a cup of coffee”. I love my cup of coffee in the mornings. A self-satisfying ritual!… “Ok so, what is your plan for today? What should we accomplish?”…. Now I know that the “Achiever and Critic” voices have entered my field.
I had been taking time away from “doing” for a number of weeks now. I knew it was time when dancing (my fun and passion) became difficult to absorb and transfer simple choreography into action. I mean how hard can 4 sets of 8 counts be to remember and do right? WRONG!… Something had occurred within me that stopped all simple processing. The same week, I started a weekend workshop. The information was exciting and stimulating, yet it stopped just outside the borders of my brain and stood curiously still. I wasn’t absorbing, and my anxiety was rising and spilling mercilessly from my eyes. I had never seen myself like this. I had become anxious and afraid of new information. Just what was this telling me? Meltdown!
I tried to remember if this had ever occurred within me before; a time where my body and mind simply stopped working and refused to get back into gear. Such a random development. There were times when I was driving and became so tired that I just pulled off the road to go to sleep. How bizarre is that? And along with this mind-body rebellion, I carried within me such an intense feeling of sadness and loss which was inescapable. I became afraid to leave my apartment, afraid to drink alcohol alone, and my self-esteem vanished. In my isolation I forced myself outside for walks and some kind of simple daily routine. Within my solitary walks, I began to feel peace enter me and replace the anxiety that had taken occupation within my solar-plexus.
One day after trance-dancing alone in my apartment, I sat down and asked my spirit-team this question.
Spirit team… what would you have me know today about my feelings of deep loss and sadness? …and then I shut my eyes, listened to the mystical music, and allowed the words to flow out of my key-boarding fingers. Here is the message that I found written on the screen.
The human experience is only for the courageous little one. Even though you feel like you are the only one who is feeling the way that you do, the truth is that you are one of the few that expresses how you feel, yet all who are born to your earthly-plane, experience what you do presently. Surrendering as you have been focussing on – this is the way out of the feelings of loss and confusion.
As children you are taught to “get over” feelings of sadness and loss. There is little space made available for heavy emotion on the earth, and yet… the vastness of emotion is why you wanted to experience an earthly life. On this plane, the variety of emotion is rich and deep because of the physical bodies that you come into existence with. One would think that living so many lives would allow more management, and yet, because lives get progressively more complex, the challenge moves parallel to this factor. It may seem like you are not moving forward, and yet when you look back over the months and days, there is a certainty that progress has occurred.
We know that you feel alone and lonely. We know that you wonder where you fit within this life-time, and that you have doubts about whether you will fulfill what you had hoped as you planned your higher purpose. Every master who has come to the earth has had such doubts. Every individual who has awakened and learned about the universal laws have wondered if they could manifest. And yet, we ask you… when you went into the process of birthing your children, did you know how to perfectly do this task? You learned “on” the journey, because something inside of you reminded you, and you listened, and moved within the process, allowing all to unfold until that soul was born. And what bliss did you embrace as you gazed down upon what you brought into this world from your body of form. What beauty did you behold in the process of allowing the Divine to move through you. This is creation. The allowing process has always been a challenge for you. And yet we say, that allowing is the key. You tend to take on responsibility that you have no need to, for we are supporting you. We are ever present, and all you need to do is surrender until we whisper to you that it is time to bare-down. You will then know that it is your turn to act, and before that notice, you need only relax into the procedure, trusting that all will turn out as planned within the higher realms.
We lovingly remind you to be kind to yourself, and be in a place of peaceful anticipation. Your personality has impatience within her, which is not helpful, and must be managed with compassion. Be in the beautiful places of mother earth, and commune with her. She loves you and is ever aware of your footsteps upon her surface. She softens when you touch her, so deep is her love for you. Your sadness is the refining of your higher birth. You are dropping your walls once again, even further than you thought possible. Just BE with this, and allow the loss and sadness to have a space within your vessel, just as you did the five souls that you brought in as children. You are birthing a higher way of being for all of humanity to witness and engage with. You will understand so many – through this process, and yet the process requires that you are in much solitude and in communion with your over-soul.
Each day, find a way to vibrate with peace and calm. Each day find movement to keep energy unblocked. And worry not. Give us your trust so that we may support and hold you with love and endearment. This portion of your life will be one that you look back on and refer to often. We are teaching you on so many levels, and only your critical thoughts get in the way, making the reception less clear. You are ever held within our field of love little one.
This message brought me hope. I re-read it each day, and allowed the tears to well up and release more sadness and shame. I wanted to share this with others because I know that there are many who cocoon themselves from the world when they experience bizarre melt-downs. I know that there is shame that accompanies melt-downs and a rampant lack of understanding of how normal this is. We live in a world-outlook which values doing, action, and being busy, as opposed to just being. I was an enthusiastic advocate for such an attitude myself for many years. Melt-downs are an opportunity to reassess our belief systems, and make ourselves a priority. They are times to be kind and loving towards ourselves. And compassion for all others is the pure gift which, as survivors, we take with us, as we come out the other side.