Monthly Archives: July 2013

Relationship Breakups… Does everyone hurt?


Breakup1Why does breaking up from a relationship sometimes affect one party more intensely than the other?

When we decided to come into a physical existence in order to learn about ourselves, we did this knowing that the God-part within us would also transmit our learnings to the Source of infinite intelligence. We are all born into this world alone, experiencing birth as a personal event, and also the death-transition personally.  And yet while here within our life-time, most of us desire to experience ourselves “with” another at some point and thusly do learn about ourselves through the eyes and reflection of a separate “other”. When this desire emerges, we are activated to find someone with whom we have contracted with before our birth; someone who will walk along a portion of our life-path and learn with us.  We learn from each other and we also teach one another, as rarely are two souls exactly alike in their talents and lesson achievements.  In fact, when we begin our primary experiences with another being, we attract into our sphere someone who we think will fill in the places of emptiness within us. This other being, who on some level remembers us,  cooperatively engages romantically with us  eventually becoming so close, that we can barely conceptualize our lives without them. 

Where do we get these places of emptiness…you ask?  We may either bring them with us at birth from a previous lifetime, or we develop them early within this present lifetime through early life wounding events.  Whichever manner occurs, it is not considered the “fault” of another, for we have all participated in the development of our own blueprint, which does outline the lessons we wish to learn. In other words, we are in full cooperative as co-creators of our present lifetime.

Soulmates1And so when the time is appropriate, we walk upon the earth and our energy-field does send out a vibrational frequency to those around us and within this frequency we share with others our places of emptiness on an energy level. We call out to another to match us, so that we may attempt to heal the places of emptiness. We do this most times from a place of unconsciousness, and the perfect harmonic frequency is attracted unto us via another human being, and so… when we engage with that one who “fits”, we, for a temporary duration feel like our emptiness – will no longer remain empty. We believe that the other person carries what we need to have a fullness, or rather to feel that we are whole.  And this is the most exquisite of feelings.  And when as humans we experience this illusion of wholeness, from blending with another, it brings us to a high vibration of emotion that is very addictive. A high that is delicious and encapsulating… and so it should be for the chemicals within our brain that bring us to such a high are correspondingly pumping through our fluids and washing over our neurological system. This happens because the person who we have attracted into our sphere, combines their energy with our energy and assists to release the feel-good chemicals of dopamine and serotonin which sends us to states of bliss and euphoria. This feeling of “high” further focuses us upon the other in a fully positive manner which develops within us the desire to hold on to the blissful state, or to forever pursue it.

Soulmates2Some may spend their whole life looking for such a “high” after initially experiencing it.  And this “high” is what humans call “falling in love” In this manner, we often feel invincible, desired, and that there is not much that can shake us, for we think that this is the ultimate experience of love… and yet, this is only a portion of the story.

For the truth is…we can never be filled to “wholeness” by another, and this is the hardest lesson of all for us to learn within our life-time.  And there are many who do leave relationships, searching frantically to “feel the high” of falling in love again, and thusly enter a new relationship with some immediacy. And it appears to the world that they are resilient because they are not showing sadness or grieving (and yet additionally they are not learning the lesson that they needed to learn); that their feelings of wholeness were (and are in this new relationship) but an illusion.

And there are others who do feel that “blending with another” with so much deepness, and within that “falling in love” experience, they let down their walls to examine parts of themselves that were hidden before.  And when this self-examination occurs, then a state of vulnerability sets in because that state of trust does allow the shadow parts (or in other words, the unhealed parts) of our humanness to emerge and introduce themselves into both partner’s lives, and this can be both a blessing and a curse.

ShadowWork1The blessing is that one begins to know oneself so much more, and is introduced to parts that have been dormant, yet without a doubt, carried inside our being through many life-times.  They have served us, and have allowed our survival, and yet they have not yet integrated with the whole of us, because we have felt ashamed of our shadow parts, and so have turned our faces away from them within both denial and avoidance.  And yet the shadow parts have many times saved our lives, yet as humans, we cannot see this larger view, and instead shun them.  And it is our shadow parts that keep us in self-loathing, rather than self-love.  And loving another can never replace the need for self-love, for our capacity to love anyone outside ourselves is directly correlated to our capacity of loving-self.

And should our loved ones ALSO turn their back when our shadow parts emerge,  displaying themselves through behavior, then how horrible a place we do find ourselves, for we have shown unto another ALL of us, and with trust did we do this, thinking that we would be accepted, and that we would (both of us) grow from this most personal and vulnerable experience.

And yet we know that there is no right or wrong with one’s decision of leaving a relationship.  We understand that relationships always take place for “a reason, a season or time” and we have no absolute knowing upon entering a partnership which place we will eventually find ourselves.  And when a relationship breaks, it is like a death for many, which does take-us-out of our stability, for we feel the emptiness within us… now more than ever.

FallingInLoveSo why do we continue this search for a romantic relationship?  Because on this earthly plane it is the fastest and most accelerated method to learn lessons and evolve… and we choose carefully before entering our bodies from whom we will learn about ourselves.  In other words, never think that a relationship is a mistake or a mishap… for this is the irony that exists in the illusion of form.  The things that seem trivial and inconsequential are often the things that hold the powerful lessons, and there are no mistakes, only lessons.  And we will not move towards our next lesson until we fully complete the lesson that is at hand.  So if you find yourself attracting into your field the same kind of relationship, it may be that you have yet MORE learning to do on a specific lesson. Or, conversely, it may be the opportunity for you to say, “No thank you.. I’ve learned enough”.

Addicted2A third situation is that one partner enters your romance with a previous bond or addiction with either a substance or behavior.  This situation permits them to “not face” or work upon personal wounding that needs attending to. And this is a very sad situation indeed.  One partner learns that they will always be on the outside, looking in, as if a window and wall does exist which separates them from their other. And there is no manner of reaching someone who is hiding behind an addiction, for it gives them numbing and refuge from internal pain. And the one, outside, who is  looking-in, does try over and over to be persistent around healing and rescuing the other from their awful pain. Yet ultimately the outcome that must be established is the realization that we must ALL deal with our OWN pain, and that no other being can save us from this responsibility.  And Addicted1should that addicted being leave this life-time, without self-reflection and accomplishing the actions needed to heal, then they do carry that addiction or behavior into their next existence to again be their prime lesson to hopefully be triumphed over. For there is no time-table around lessons, and we can work on specific lessons for many lifetimes if needs be.

So we see that looking at our personal relationships requires a mature and expansive view; for if we stand too close we often cannot see the larger picture that exists.  And even knowing all this, we still do continually enter romantic relationships willingly and with such fervor, for their emergence into our lives do remind us of what loving beings we truly are, and what a loving home that we did leave in order to learn the important lessons about ourselves.